Mila
Mila was 19 years old when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma, a form of blood cancer. Mila kindly shares her story with us here…
“The impact of my cancer diagnosis can only be described as total upheaval. It felt like a deep and painful grief. A grief not only for the version of myself I was before, but an uncertainty for the future I had envisioned for myself.
“I had to pause my studies, read about side effects of different treatments, sign consent forms and undergo complex and uncomfortable procedures. It felt like my life had completely stopped. I was constantly going between my house and the hospital, monitoring symptoms and unable to see friends for fear of infection.
“The worries I had before felt so insignificant in the face of my diagnosis. The world started to feel like a very dangerous and scary place. Everything was uncertain. Treatment and medication were my sole focus, and I had little energy for anything else.
“Now that I am in remission, I look back at that time when my body was in complete survival mode and wonder how I made it through. Then I remember. It was because of glimmers. Little glimmers of hope. Small moments of connection, joy and laughter that reminded me, or rather connected me, to this past version of myself I was grieving. They gave me hope that life can continue to have joy, even in the toughest of situations.
“Spread a Smile were these glimmers; whenever they came to visit there was a visible shift in atmosphere. You could see other patients and their parents or guardians sharing smiles while the musician played the patient’s favourite song, or an artist made an impressive balloon model. My mum and I shared looks of disbelief at the magician’s tricks, completely wrapped up in the magic of the moment. These moments were a break, for both of us, from the anxiety, busyness and intensity of the moment.
“Often, when I least expected it, a group from the wonderful Spread a Smile team would approach us, and I would find myself playing with the therapy dog or hearing a lovely piece of music.
“My mum and I would be apprehensively spending time waiting – for appointments, treatments, updates, medication, blood tests, scan results – so having something to do made this time feel lighter. It was a positive distraction which helped me to take my mind away from my worries. It gave me something to tell my family and friends about when they asked how I was, instead of just relaying to them the monotony of life in treatment being passed between doctors and hospitals. It also means that now, when I look back at this period of my life, I remember these happy moments which sit around and hug the really sad and difficult ones.
“When I get anxious about returning to the hospital for appointments, focusing on these moments with Spread a Smile helps me immensely to reframe my experience and memory of that time. Having regular art sessions online with Spread a Smile throughout my treatment has helped to give me structure in my week while having chemo and recovering from its side effects. These have been the highlight of my week and give me something to look forward to. They have helped me to start to manage my time again in the face of concerns of relapse. The art sessions have acted as a form of mindfulness for me, really allowing me to immerse myself in drawing and improve my artistic skills and confidence.
“This confidence has also translated to other areas of my life. The team has always let me choose what we work on in each session and I have been amazed by just the range of different styles of drawing and collage we have been able to do. No drawing seems impossible anymore!
“On my birthday, as I was not well enough to attend an in-person party, Spread a Smile organised an amazing online magic birthday party for me. Later, I was able to attend some of their in person events such as seeing Wicked, Newsies and Sisters Act in the West End; amazing experiences as I love musicals but haven’t had the chance to see any live before. I also joined other young people on a residential trip with Spread a Smile to the Lake District which was really wonderful. Attending these has meant that I have some amazing new memories to treasure since being ill and these have helped me to feel more hopeful for the future.
“All the things I have been lucky enough to do with Spread a Smile are smiles and memories I treasure and hold close to me, especially on tough days or times of increased uncertainty. They take a bleak day and fill it with so much colour. It is this colour which I remember now, it has almost completely replaced the bleakness.
“My experience of hospital and cancer treatment wouldn’t be the same without them. The smiles they have spread are hope at a time when hope feels very far away. When everything felt scary, they brought glimmers of warmth, joy and familiarity to life, and that’s what I think I really needed most”.
Please help ensure we can continue to support young people like Mila and their families by donating today. Thank you.